He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
