everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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