you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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