Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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