dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize