Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
