he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
