Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
