so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
