Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
