I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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