but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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