CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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