i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
