So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize