I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The ass gains better be worth it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize