Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
