so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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