I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize