how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
be right there i have to get my cape
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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