I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the condom got lost in my hair
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is Oprah even human
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
