i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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