she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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