strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
