Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
