It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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