I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
