can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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