I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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