Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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