My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
