I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
