You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just pynch a tree in the face
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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