He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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