Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
