Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
