Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
