Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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