I need to stop coming to work sober
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
