I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize