So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize