i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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