Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
