how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
