Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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