as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
