i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
