our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
