Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
