Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
