hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
