isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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