Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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