Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
