I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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