She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
the raccoons are back...
Randomize