Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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