somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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