ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
