eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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